Category: Friday Funnies – Kristina Zurla Landgraf – 11:07 am
Thanksgiving Divorce
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,”I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,”
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”
If you’re working today but still in a post-Turkey-Day coma, top ten excuses for falling asleep at your desk.
“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
“I wasn’t sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.”
“I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!”
“Amen”
“This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.”
“Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper”
“I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.”
“This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
“Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”
“Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
This “Fireside Chat” with Franklin D. Roosevelt from 1933 offers some parallels to the situation in the financial system today, and the steps our government is taking to fix it. But, in harkening back to the days of the Great Depression, you can certainly find things to be thankful for today.
The stock market has seen wild swings in the last couple months and everyone is wondering whether or not we’ve reached a bottom. From a technical standpoint, it appears that we haven’t. In fact, a simple look at the technicals might make you want to reconsider calling a bottom in this market. (more…)
Stock index futures surged on news the Federal Reserve will commit as much as $800 billion to revive lending, with the December S&P 500 futures last trading up 21 at 869. The S&P 500 has rallied 13 percent from an 11-year low on Nov. 20, and posted its best two-day gain since 1987, according to Bloomberg. Lind Plus Senior Market Strategist Jeff Friedman said technical indicators, the Stochastics and Relative Strength Index (RSI), are turning neutral and hinting at some relief. However, he’d like to see closes in the December S&P futures above the 20-day moving average at 896 to increase confidence a near-term low has been posted. If the market turns lower, he said the 75 retracement of the 2002-2008 rally marks the next downside target, at 717.
The following schedule for the Thankgiving 2008 holiday is taken from sources which Lind-Waldock deems to be reliable, but we are not responsible for any errors or ommissions. Please check the Web site of the appropriate exchange for further information or changes. (more…)
