Gold has been going strong, with July futures reaching a seven-week high this week and hovering near $930 an ounce. Test your knowledge of gold with this fun puzzle. Click the more tab to view the answer key.
Wall Street Follies © 2000/2001/2002/2003 markpoyser all rights reserved. Reprinted with permission. www.wallstreetfollies.com. (more…)
Talk to us! Will there be bacon on your breakfast table this weekend or ribs on your grill?
Swine flu is actually a misnomer and consumers can’t even get the N1H1 virus from eating pork, as stated by the Centers for Disease Control.
“Swine influenza viruses are not spread by food. You cannot get swine influenza from eating pork or pork products. Eating properly handled and cooked pork products is safe.”
Nonetheless, the pork pandemonium has brought peril to CME hog futures, which have plunged 17% this week. If news about pigs makes you squeal, check out www.thepigsite.com and wallow in all that’s oink.
In case you missed it, CBNC’s Rick Santelli gave his two cents about the government’s recent measures, live from the CME trading floor in Chicago on Thursday. Watch “Santelli’s Tea Party.”
An amusing, satirical take on leasing in this recent article from Cattlenetwork.
It’s The Pitts: Please Re-lease Me
Recently I did my part to stimulate the economy by purchasing a brand new car. Yeah, that was me, the person who bought the only car the Big Three sold last month.
It had been a long time since I’d bought a new car and the salesman said, “There are going to be some things on the cars I show you that you may not be familiar with.”
“What’s that?” I exclaimed nearly jumping out of the front seat.
“Those are called windshield wipers,” said the bemused salesman.
When we got down to trading on the car my wife and I were escorted into a room where we met with the finance guy. Despite what you may have heard, evidently there are still companies out there who are willing to loan money to deadbeats like me. Although we did not take advantage of the attractive lease option on the car the idea of leasing intrigued me. A rare thought entered my head: if you can lease cars why can’t you lease other expensive items such as kids, horses, dogs and spouses? Read full article
Thanksgiving Divorce
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,”I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,”
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”
If you’re working today but still in a post-Turkey-Day coma, top ten excuses for falling asleep at your desk.
“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
“I wasn’t sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.”
“I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!”
“Amen”
“This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.”
“Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper”
“I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.”
“This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
“Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”
“Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
Here’s an optimistic look at our current state of affairs from a legendary investor.
“The worse a situation becomes the less it takes to turn it around, the bigger the upside.” - George Soros
If you are tired of all the depressing news out there, turn to happynews.com. You can see the bright side here, even in the business section. Here are a few optimistic clips from the site.
Cupcakes a Sweet Spot in Sour Economy
New Breed of Investor Looks to Housing Market
Christmas Tree Market Booming Despite Economy
Pickens’ Natural Gas Idea Picking Up Steam
One Couple’s Extreme Savings Plan
An imaginary look at the economy from the Onion.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/recession_plagued_nation_demands
Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In
WASHINGTON—A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble in which to invest.
“What America needs right now is not more talk and long-term strategy, but a concrete way to create more imaginary wealth in the very immediate future,” said Thomas Jenkins, CFO of the Boston-area Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm. “We are in a crisis, and that crisis demands an unviable short-term solution.”
The current economic woes, brought on by the collapse of the so-called “housing bubble,” are considered the worst to hit investors since the equally untenable dot-com bubble burst in 2001. According to investment experts, now that the option of making millions of dollars in a short time with imaginary profits from bad real-estate deals has disappeared, the need for another spontaneous make-believe source of wealth has never been more urgent.
More Sad Guys on Trading Floors.
Funny Stock Symbols
LUV …awww
CRZY …highly volatile?
FUN …yay!
SRRY …sorry to hear, you invested here.
Random Market Commentary…
See more random market commentary here.
What kind of market commentary did I miss?
And as evidenced by this gem of a quote from Morgan Stanley’s David Darst on CNBC: “We tell the young people who are looking for a job on Wall Street now, it’s either Shanghai, Mumbai, Dubai, or goodbye.”
